Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
