omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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