Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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