How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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