a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
false alarm, still single
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