Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
