I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We are two peas in an std pod
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
