The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
