What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
