farters have to be the big spoon...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
