my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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