never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
