you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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