You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is it penis luge time yet?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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