my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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