Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
