I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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