Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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