Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
