just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
