I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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