i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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