Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
