I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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