note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
