I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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