New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
