you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
