a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
someone owes me an orgasm
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
