dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
