life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
