i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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