Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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