I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it's like heaven, but drunker
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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