It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
