just tell him i said nine months
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
