Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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