This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
