Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
