don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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