Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
