Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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