I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I could make wine with my vomit
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
