so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
