There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
