I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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