I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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