If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
