I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
