singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
