I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
