so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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