Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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